While in New York, Linda did her part to uphold 1980s conspicuous consumption. Investing her Memphis royalties wisely in Florida real estate, she quickly amassed considerable wealth selling retirement property to elderly Yankees. Hoping to increase her fortune, she put the entire sum into the stock market on Friday, October 16th, 1987. The following Black Monday she emerged penniless, her only possession the deed to a small brewpub business that she had foreclosed on the previous year. Down on her luck once more, Linda left the Big Apple and traveled to Ypsilanti, Michigan, hoping to earn a buck by serving the blue collar locals burgers and beer.

Much to everyone's surprise, the Sidetrack Bar & Grill, named after Linda's earlier stint in railroad debauchery, flourished in the 1990s. The popular pub drew patrons from miles away, who traveled great distances to the bar hoping to fight arteriosclerosis by consuming her oatmeal-fortified burgers and antioxidant beer. Friends of Linda French are nervous about the pub's future, however-It seems that each decade triggers a major change in the life of our protagonist. The 1990s are now behind us…who knows what Linda French will do next!

Editor's Note: If you really believed this story, you either have been drinking too much at the Sidetrack or need to stop by so we can screw your head back on straight. All events are fictitious; character sembleances to real historical personages are intentional, but not intentionally slanderous. Our apologies to the friends, descendants and historical societies which commemorate said personages-- email us with complaints and maybe we'll send you coupons for free beer. I said maybe.

BACK